Drop the beat (specifically this one) and break out your š emojis, because Challengers is finally here. The Luca Guadagninoādirected film stars the great Zendaya, Josh OāConnor, and Mike Faist. In a horny, angry, tennis-themed love triangle, Zendaya plays Tashi Duncan, a tennis prodigy whose career ends after a brutal injury. She later marries Faistās Artāand serves as his tennis coach. Meanwhile, her ex (and Artās former best friend!), OāConnorās Patrick, is a little bit of a bum. But he still has a nasty serve.
Lest you had any doubt, Challengers is entertaining as heck. But I did leave with a few (forty-two, actually) questions. And at least four of them are about the Applebeeās scene.
Thereās no sex in this film?!? You lied to me, Luca!Is the Applebeeās scene the most egregious bit of sponcon weāve ever seen in the history of the moving image?Seriously, was Challengers funded entirely by product placement?!Will Patrickās Tinder date get her own spin-off? Justice for Helen!If you look closely, Challengers simply inserts Tashi, Art, and Patrick into tennis history. (See: the Andy Roddick poster.) So why doesnāt Tashi just date Roger Federer and leave these losers behind?Which fashion trend takes off first: the I TOLD YA shirt or Patrickās nasty plaid shorts?Whatās your favorite penis-shaped food in the movie? (Iām going with churros.)We see Art and Tashi eat dessert at Applebeeās, but what were their entrĆ©es? (Iām ordering the Riblets Platter from the old-school āBees menu.)Did Ben Affleck (and/or one of the DunKings) sanction that truly absurd Dunkinā sponcon platter?Who else won their Challengers bingo card with the utterance of the phrase āA racket and a dickā?Whatās your favorite moment in Challengers, and why is it when Art slaps Patrickās dick?Did Guadagnino simply pour a bucket of water on Faist and OāConnor between every take?What was the last sports movie that didnāt deliver exposition by way of a sports commentator on a conveniently nearby television?Is there sex in the Guadagnino Cut?Did TimothĆ©e Chalamet give Zendaya any notes for her Luca Guadagninoādirected Dance Like No Oneās Watching Scene?Is it just me or does the New Rochelle line judge know heās in a movie?Challengers takes place in 2019. Whomever Tashi ends up with, quarantine kills their relationship for good, right?Whereās Tom Hollandās Purple Heart for his proud-boyfriending of all of this?Who is Phil?What is Tiretown?Why does Philās Tiretown sponsor an amateur tennis tournament?Is the camera-on-the-tennis-ball sequence the greatest shot in a sports film...ever?Why does Mike Faist look a little bit like John Mulaney in this movie? (Imagine Mulaney in Challengers!)Who else canāt wait for the inevitable SNL skit where Marcello HernĆ”ndez serves looks (and tennis balls, I guess) to that incessant EDM beat?Even...Camel has a sponcon moment?Why did we need the Stanford interlude, and why does it play out exactly like Saltburn: Coming to America? (But, you know, without the murder.)Whereās the interview that has Guadagnino saying his biggest inspiration for Challengers is this Harry Potter meme?At Applebeeās, Tashi clearly orders the Triple Chocolate Meltdown. What kind of monster goes to Applebeeās and doesnāt have the Sizzlinā Butter Pecan Blondie?Is New Rochelle about to usurp the Hamptons as New York Cityās favorite weekend trip?Will Challengers go down as the only movie to ever feature Athletic Greens and Taco Bell sponcon within minutes of each other?Why was Challengers compelled to remake the Euphoria locker room oā dicks scene?Genuinely, who won the match?Did anyone else leave Challengers feeling horrible for Tashi and Artās poor kid?After your screening, did a creepy dude ask what you thought about the movie? Did they rant about how overindulgent it was? Just me? Okay.Why donāt more tennis players taunt their opponents with the chomping-on-a-banana-but-itās-really-your-schlong move?Are Tashiās parents even somewhat concerned about her decade-spanning threesome?What does John McEnroe think about Challengers? Iām simply curious.Is āFriday Afternoons, Op. 7: A New Year Carolā the new āMurder on the Dancefloorā? Nice work, children of the Choir of Downside School!Can European Challengers star Barry Keoghan, Florence Pugh, and Tom Holland?What happens in Challengers 2? Do Art, Tashi, and Patrick keep fucking and fighting until theyāre sixty?Actually, can we see a Golden Bachelorāesque Challengers where a messy threesome centers on pickleball?Challengers gives Eatinā Good in the Neighborhood a whole new meaning for Applebeeās, am I right?what to watch now
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