Julia Roberts' magnum opus, My Best Friend's Wedding, has returned to Netflix this month. The importance of this cannot be understated. When it was added last fall and then unceremoniously removed from the streamer in December, there was a gaping hole in Netflix's Julia Roberts canon. Yes, you can watch Runaway Bride or Mystic Pizza, if you're into that sort of thing, but there's no replacement for her greatest work co-starring Cameron Diaz, Dermot Mulroney, Rachel Griffiths, and the subtle essence of Dionne Warwick's songbook.
Most die hards would argue that the best part of the film is the "I Say a Little Prayer" singalong—an undeniably iconic moment in pop culture. But I want to highlight a scene with a bit more gravitas. I want to talk about a short speech later in the film that doesn't just offer superb comedic timing, but one of the greatest life lessons that you can pass onto a friend in need. I'm talking about the Jell-O and Crème Brûlée conversation. Snuggle up. Let me spin you a yarn right quick.
When I was in college, I had a friend named Aja who loved My Best Friend's Wedding. I loved the film, but Aja had practically memorized it. Watching it in her apartment, Aja told me that there was one particular scene—the Jell-O scene—that was more important than the rest of the film. It's a speech she had memorized and utilized time and time again, deploying it on sad, intoxicated strangers. As the end of the movie neared, she patted me on the arm and whispered, "Here it is," like the monster in a horror movie was about to emerge.
In the scene, Julianne (Roberts), a maniacal "big-haired food critic," is talking to Kimmy (Diaz) about her upcoming nuptials. She explains that Kimmy is simply not the right fit for her best friend, Michael (Mulroney). When Kimmy doesn't take the bait, Roberts makes the most important food metaphor in film history: Kimmy is crème brûlée. Michael wants Jell-O. She is simply too good for Michael. When Kimmy protests that she could be Jell-O, Julianne interrupts with the declaration, "You're never going to be Jell-O!" Meanwhile, Aja sat beside me anxiously, eyes wide as she gauged my response. She said, "See?"
I did not see. Not yet.
She explained that the speech works as a cure all for drunk people you encounter whose nights end in tears, inevitably derailed by some complication of the heart. It's practically a nightclub archetype. The speech works like a magical symbiotic salve: you explain to a drunk person (let's call her Patrice) that the guy who ditched her at the bar was never good enough for her. Not only was he not right for Patrice, but he's Jell-O. Peasant garbage. A melted down horse hoof of a dessert. She on the other hand is crème brûlée. That shit requires a culinary torch. It's sweet. It's irritatingly perfect. The gender set up here, for the record, does not matter. Your friend feels great, and you kind of get to troll them with pop culture. Everyone is fine.
I insisted that this speech would never work in practice. A hilarious concept in theory, no person is ever going to go along with the metaphor. Someone would surely clock me. This is Shakesperian-level discourse, masked in the style of screenwriter Ronald Bass. But she told me that if I tried it, it would work. It does every time.
A few weeks later, I found myself in a bar with friends. I can't remember the time, but it was late—somewhere along the time when the time turns to single digits again. An acquaintance from campus was by herself at a high top table, forlorn and sipping on something blue. I stopped by to check in and asked, "Are you ok?" She said, "Not really." I knew from her tone where things were headed. She told me how the night had gone. How she'd been flirting with a guy. He'd seemed to be flirting with her, too. And then he left. Didn't say goodbye... just walked out the door of Two Doors Down and never said a word. She was not taking it well.
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"You know, sometimes—well, think of this way. You're crème brûlée," I started. She looked confused. "And guys like that? They're looking for Jell-O. Jell-O is comfortable. Jell-O comes and goes." She didn't seem to be getting the gist of the metaphor, so I took control of the conversation. The whole speech only truly works if you're able to land that last line. After a back and forth, she said, "So I'm not Jell-O?" and I said it, with feeling: You're never going to be Jell-O!
I'm still fairly confident she did not understand the metaphor. She did laugh though. I went home soon after. Disseminating the wisdoms of Julia Roberts can be exhausting work. I've given that speech time and time again, to varying results. Sometimes people really get into it. Sometimes they laugh. One time someone cried. That was unexpected, but cathartic for both of us. But no one ever has ever clocked that it was from My Best Friend's Wedding, and I think Julia Roberts would be proud of that. It's stolen goods, used for the betterment of others.
Aja gave it to me, and now, I guess I've given it to you. Use it responsibly. There's far too little good in the world, so let someone know they're crème brûlée and get some enjoyment out of the moment, yourself. My Best Friend's Wedding is available to stream on Netflix starting February 1.
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