Why Are Straight Men So Obsessed with Making Each Other Horny?

There's no denying that men, when they're amongst themselves, say all manner of crude and sexual comments about women. I certainly have on occasion; any man who tells you otherwise is selling you something. But there's a huge difference between saying, "She sure is hot," and bragging about how often you get away with sexual assault due to your fame.

Setting aside the obvious gravity of Trump's alleged pattern of sexual deviance, the question of how men actually talk about women is an interesting one. For one thing, does anyone even understand why do we do it in the first place?

One of the most mystifying parts about straight male culture is how often we're trying to encourage our friends to be horny. Think about the patter between Trump and Bush. Before it crosses the line into the vile, it's really not all that uncommon.

Man, take a look at her.

You should've seen this girl I went out with the other night, and so on.

It's a regularly accepted practice for men to take their friends out to strip clubs—particularly on bachelor parties—and to delight in one another's sexual arousal.

I think that one liked you dude!

Here, let me buy you a lap dance.

I wrote about technological advances in porn recently, pointing out that men seeking out the aid of their compatriots in finding videos that appeal to the specificity of their horniness is a regular occurrence online. There are thousands of men who spend what must be hours compiling edits and compilations of porn, trading tips back and forth online about how to find videos they're looking for—and all for free. What exactly are they getting out of this?

It's a regularly accepted practice for men to take their friends out to strip clubs—particularly on bachelor parties—and to delight in one another's sexual arousal.

The idea that an immature man might want to bolster his stature among his peers by boasting of his virility seems intuitive. "It doesn't really matter what [the media] write as long as you've got a young and beautiful piece of ass," Trump told Esquire in 1991.

But what often goes unsaid is that those of us on the receiving end of the boasting don't really want to hear it. Significant portions of the conversation between men, typically young, single men, are consumed by the conquest one is about to pursue, or has recently accomplished. In almost every case, the banter is received with a reluctant, feigned enthusiasm. I've had friends over the years detail their sexual exploits to an almost anatomical degree; I've seen men brandish their phones to display photos of women they've bedded, or would like to. And in almost every case, my reaction has been the same: Oh, nice. Anyway, did you see the Sox game?

Coat, Trousers, Dress shirt, Shirt, Standing, Outerwear, Collar, Suit, Formal wear, Dress,

I imagine there must certainly be a subset of men for whom this type of thing is exciting, but as I reach the end of my thirties, the reality of how pathetic it actually is has become strikingly clear. In the vast majority of cases, when men are participating in "locker-room banter," the dude on the receiving end is merely humoring his friend. Think about it: What's a less appealing subject than your friends' horniness level? Is there anything less interesting?

You'd think, evolutionarily speaking, that it would be in our selfish interest to make sure all of the men in our community refrained from talking about their horniness. Let no man be horny on my watch! But, for some reason, whether out of outmoded habit, or the fact that we're all idiots with nothing else to talk about, sexual patter continues unabated.

In almost every case, the banter is received with a reluctant, feigned enthusiasm.

Bush admitted as much in his response to the video. Certainly, he was covering for himself, but there's an inherent truth to what he said about merely playing along:

"Obviously I'm embarrassed and ashamed. It's no excuse, but this happened eleven years ago. I was younger, less mature, and acted foolishly in playing along. I'm very sorry."

The comments made in the video are grave on a wider stage; they're symptomatic of rape culture writ large. But on a lesser level, it's just boorish and tiresome. If you can't think of anything to talk about with your male friends besides the general coordinates of your erection's next journey, imagined or otherwise, maybe you need to find new friends. Or maybe you need to be alone for a while. You might consider working out some of that pent up sexual energy in a consensual way. That way does not include grabbing a woman "by the pussy" because you can get away with it.

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Why Are Straight Men So Obsessed with Making Each Other Horny?

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