Welcome to Drunk on Chips. I'm a potato lover whose potato-loving father always kept our snack cabinet stocked with a carefully curated collection of chips. Here, I give you an honest review of a specific bag.

The Setup

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I've been happily overwhelmed with the response to this series from family and friends. So many previously unknown chip lovers in my life have come forward with suggestions on what to try next, or questions that range from "Is this a chip? to "This franchise has art that's your face?"

But the most frequent question over the past three weeks has been, "Have you tried Zapp's Voodoo Chips?" Of course I've had them.

On Saturday, Esquire's associate culture editor, Matt Miller, gifted me some more Zapp's, specifically Salt & Vinegar—which were quickly demolished behind my back during a St. Patrick's Day gathering—and Spicy Cajun Crawtaters. Half a party and a good night's sleep later, I woke up to only half a bag left. I had consumed none.

To the person who hid them in a cabinet, presumably so no one else would eat them, I thank you.

Buy Them. Eat Them.

The Assessment

The Crawtater, I assumed, wouldn't be much different from other crustacean-flavored chips. I've had plenty of crab-flavored chips, not to mention original chips paired with crab dip, but this isn't Maryland, Sack. Lose the rugby. So I was fully prepared to take Zapp's down off its pedestal, but alas, these chips are perfectly executed.

This is Utz's Snacks' world—everyone else is just living in it.

The seasoning on crab-flavored chips is meant to recreate the experience of eating shellfish, and usually the result is an Old Bay overdose. That's not the case here, because we're talking New Orleans, not Baltimore. The crustacean-y flavor hits the bullseye. They aren't over salted, and they even have a bit of a manageable kick—enough to notice, but not so much that you need to take breathers.

For the sake of comparison, I tried Herr's Crab Chips and reinforced that there was a noticeable difference in the punch-you-in-the-mouth nature of the shellfish notes. And unlike Crawtater's cousins, the Voodoo chips, these won't tear up the inside of your mouth because the lack of vinegar saves you some next-day pain.

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The Zapp’s lineup.

The only flaw is they're a messier chip. That means you'll have to put down your phone while you eat them. That movie you started streaming will stay on until you wash your hands.

Zapp's falls under the Utz's Snacks umbrella (along with another one of my favorite kettle-cooked brands, "Dirty"), proving that this is Utz's Snacks' world—everyone else is just living in it. Between the quality potato flavor, just-right crunch-ability, sensible seasoning, and wide variety of flavors ranging, from Lightly Salted to Voodoo, Utz's is absolutely crushing the snack game. Hats off to the folks down in Hanover, Pennsylvania, the snack capital of the world.

Some Tasting Notes

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Size: Average. Nothing to write home about, nothing to write an angry tweet about.

Crunch: This is where Utz Snacks excels. Whether it's a kettle-cooked brand like Zapp's and Dirty or the flagship Utz original, the crunch is what Goldilocks would choose if she wandered into a party instead of the Three Bears' house.

Seasoning: Well-executed. The flavor lets you know it's there and it's unique without punching you in the face. It's a delicate dance but this brand does it well.

Aftertaste: Relieving. Somehow, you don't feel like you just ran through a pound of crawdads and butter, and you don't feel the affects everyone who ate my salt and vinegar chips was feeling Sunday morning.

Some Pairings

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Pairing One: Potato and corn chowder. You eat potatoes and corn with crawfish, so do it with crawfish chips. Crumble some up as a topping and add tabasco to the soup for extra heat.

Pairing Two: An ice-cold glass of lemonade. The citrus will cut through nicely in this situation. A splash or three of gin doesn't hurt.

Pairing Three: Andouille sausage grilled cheese. Does this exist? It should. Keep it in the region and get the buttery, crunchy sensation of a lobster roll, but heartier, because sausage, and spicier, because Creole.

More Chips

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